OK men, you’ve waited all week for your turn, now here it is. Last week, Dave and I spoke on Sunday about the top 5 needs of women. This week we discussed the top 5 needs of men. I was asked to speak female and Dave was the manslator. All month long we have been discussing how The Altar of marriage is where we put our needs, wants, desires below that of our spouse to better serve him/her. If both people in the marriage make it their joy to serve their spouse and to put the other’s needs above his/her own, we will be living out the “submit to one another, out of reverence for Christ,” passage from Ephesians 5.
As usual, Dave come up with another amazing acrostic to get our points across in a humorous fashion. As you can see from the photo, we are looking at a bunch of thick skinned, small brained and big horned beasts. (Dave suggested that often as women, we see our men that way.) Do you know what you call a group of Rhinos? A C-R-A-S-H of Rhinos and there it is! Our acrostic for a man’s needs, very, very briefly explained.
C – Is for Companionship. Men long for their wives to be their companion, their “bro.” Ladies this involves spending time with them WITHOUT talking. A romantic date for you may be a beautiful dinner out. For your husband, a romantic date may be a (quiet) trip to Home Depot to check out some lumber for the next big project, a hike or an afternoon playing video games. Again, with minimal talking about deep issues and feelings.
R – Is for Respect. Our men long to be respected by their wives. They want us to be interested in their job, not constantly disgusted that it is taking him away from the family or you. They want to be admired and they want you to be proud of them.
A – Is for Anchor. In Genesis, God says it isn’t good for man to be alone and He creates a suitable helper for the man. In Hebrew, this word for helper is “ezer.” It is often used to refer to God in the OT and to the Holy Spirit in the NT. Suitable helper translates to “a helper or power created in the opposite of.” So God has created us, (women) to be a strong helper where our husbands are weak. So let’s not make them feel bad about areas they are weak in and we are stronger in, that is how it is supposed to be! Let’s help anchor them and be strong where they need it.
S – Yes, this is it fellas, Sex. This is probably not in order of importance, but works in the acrostic. I’m not going to bore you about how this is a physical need. We hear that all the time. But how would we ladies feel if our husbands stopped talking to us for a few days, maybe a couple of weeks? Would we feel loved, cared about, cherished? No, we have an emotional need to connect with our husbands through communication. But girls, this is exactly how our husbands feel when we refuse to have sex with them. It is an emotional need for them.
In a survey of 500 men (Feldham) who were asked if you could have all the sex you want, but your wife gave it to you reluctantly or just to meet your need, how satisfied would you be? 74% of men said they would NOT be satisfied. This is because men want to be desired. They want you to want them. Your desire meets an emotional need in them, just like their love meets our emotional need. There is so much more than to this than I have time and space for here. However, read Shaunti Feldham’s book, For Women Only, for more details. This is so important to your relationship and if you have issues, because I know that one in four women have been raped, molested or sexually abused in some way, care enough for yourself to see a counselor and get healing in this area. It is well worth it.
H – OK, this one is another hot button and I am hesitant to push it. This is also better explained in Shaunti’s book, but let me say here for the acrostic, it stands for Hotness. Men want their wives to be attractive. Now ladies, I am NOT here to add to the already heavy burden we all carry about just living in Western culture where youth and beauty are worshipped at all costs. I am saying that effort matters here. Make an effort to look attractive for your husband. If the only time you look cute is when you go out with your girlfriends, what does that say to him? So ladies, I am not talking about perfection here, just effort. Make an effort to take care of yourself, fix your hair, wear a little make-up, shower, brush your teeth (I have had 4 babies, I know these get forgotten sometimes!).
If your husband got a sitter, made a romantic dinner for you with flowers and soft music, but slightly burned the rolls or the chicken, would you go ballistic? No, you would appreciate the effort and thank him for thinking of you and trying to do something so nice. The same goes for you in this arena. A little faithful effort goes a long way.
Finally, don’t ask your husband if he thinks you are “hot” or if you need to work on your weight. That puts him in a dangerous position and won’t go well for either of you. He loves you and would never want to hurt you like that. Take a personal inventory of yourself or ask a sister or girlfriend and make adjustments that you know are healthy and will make you feel more confident, which in turn will help with the “S” part of the acrostic! And may your marriages be richly blessed!