It happened while I was at a neighborhood Bunco game. We were new in the community, having just moved across the country to plant Kinetic Church. I was attending every social event our neighborhood afforded and Bunco sounded like fun.

As I was meeting women, I was careful to ask about their families, the neighborhood, schools, swim team, anything but what their husband’s did for a living. Or why we had moved to Charlotte. But then someone asks,”What does your husband do?” and “What brought you to Charlotte?” and I knew it was coming, that moment I had been avoiding. “Um…my husband is a pastor. We moved to plant a church.”

Cue the awkward pause, the embarrassed looks, the quick attempt to hide the wine glass or beer bottle. Then the woman would make the mental review, “Did I use any cuss words?” or “Did I really just drop the F-bomb?” If you are a pastor’s/planter’s wife, this is a familiar response. Why does this happen?

Maybe it’s because pastor’s wives have never heard profanity before.

Maybe it’s because pastor’s wives have never seen or touched alcohol.

Maybe it’s because pastor’s wives become mothers via immaculate conception with the pastor.

Maybe it’s because things that offend us result in a one way ticket to hell.

This misconception of who and what I am as a pastor’s wife makes me very sad. I want to ask, “What are you going to do when I fall face first off this pedestal you put me on?”

Do you ever find yourself in these situations or is it just me? What do you do? Any graceful response advice?





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